Greater than the sum of our parts

tumblrbot asked: ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Robots, by far.

Unless said dinosaurs are available in fun-size variety, and can help with housework. 

The giraffe and the butcher-scanner.

For someone who loved giraffes.

It must be a good couple of months since ye olde pencils were broken out. Not since the days of studio art; which was still mostly graphite and gouache disasters. And a half-hearted attempt at collage.

The one issue with flogging traditional art on the internet is actually getting it on the computer. Mainly due to the butcher-scanner, which decides that the actual colours of the image are merely suggestions. Leading to such hard-hitting conundrums such as “Why is everything blue?” and “I’m pretty sure my drawing doesn’t look like 48-grit sandpaper.”

Therefore, adjusting the colour in photoshop is not cheating.

Honest.

The blue potato sack of unflattery

I am now staring at what will no doubt sit untouched in my wardrobe and serve as a constant reminder of my failure of picking out clothes at the market. But first, some back story to this little expedition of fashion horror.

Let it be known, the second hand book sale is a savage event. Hell hath no fury like a mother determined to get the least horrid books for her precious baby. And so the contest for cheap but good books began, starting bright and early with a seven o’clock wake up call, to be at school by seven thirty. The sale opened at nine. So father and dearest and I rock up, armed with books and an iPod and money for badly needed caffeine. I applaud the mothers that set up camp at the very start of the line with doonas and deck chairs. I coped fairly well with the ground. And as the doors opened, in rushed the surge of eager bargain hunters. Father dearest hurriedly closed his historical fiction novel, deck chair women abandoned their deck chairs, and I threw back the last mouthful of cappucino.

Madness. Pure unadulterated madness. The battle of the books had begun and it was every mother, father, and hapless student for themselves, grabbing every book they can within arms reach provided it was on their list. I would by lying if I said I wasn’t caught up in the moment as well. Just like every mother ravenous for bargains, I transformed into a book seizing beast. Within what felt like 30 seconds but must have been at least 20 minutes, the books were mine.

To celebrate said accomplishment, friends and I decided to wander down to Camberwell market for further bargain hunting. Because snatching up bargains should be rewarded with more bargains.

Things went downhill when we stumbled across a stall selling hand made dresses made of vintage fabrics.

And there it was. Dark blue, with tiny white squares dotting it. Looked cute enough. Little capped sleeves sort of thing, round neck. Adorable. $30. Not cheap, but doable. It ended up folded neatly in my handbag, and I toted it around feeling terribly pleased with friends by my side praising the find. And it looked nice, on the hanger.

So it comes home, and I decide ‘what the hey, let’s put it on and go parading around in my spectacular market find’. Bad idea. To put it kindly, it was a blue potato sack with a slightly frilled bottom and blocky, horribly cut sleeves. It only ended up giving me the illusion of having the figure of a short overweight male. A podgy little man in a poorly made dress. It clung to the layer of fat on my stomach and it hugged the lard in my arse all while rendering me completely flat chested.

So it doesn’t even sit in the wardrobe right now. It’s sitting in a crumpled mess, thrown on the bed in a rage against such a fashion travesty and it shall remain that way until I either turn into a stick or decide what else to do with it.

Awesome.

A curry plant, swans, and Japanese tourists

It’s been a while since I last meandered through the botanical gardens. I’d forgotten just how breathtakingly stunning the vast expanse of greenery was. All in all, a solid two hours of walking around pretending to know where I was going. The last forty minutes or so comprised of trying to figure out how to get back to the Observation building gate. Turns out we took a wrong turn by someone’s summer wedding.

This expedition left me with a great realisation. I must have a herb garden. Or at least find that plant that smelled like curry. We spent a good twenty minutes searching for this mystery herb of Indian cuisine in the herb garden, while father dearest remained baffled by the sun dial. Sadly, said herb was never found.

Lest thee never forget, swans are bitchy. Following an unfortunate run in with one at the gardens when I was four, I haven’t trusted them. My generous four year old self was trying to offer one a grape when it snapped at my pudgy out-stretched hand instead. Ungrateful bastard. However this time was different; there were babies. They were fluffy and grey and adorable and any sort of mistrust and articulate speech broke down into “OHMAGAAAAWWD THERE ARE BABIES THEY’RE SAAA CUTE OHMAGAWD”. It’s all a conspiracy.

And there’s never a shortage of tourists. Never ever. I’m guesstimating that the swarm of at least two dozen traveling in a pack formation were Japanese, judging by the few words I attempted to listen to. They were armed, with their digital SLRs secured around their necks ready to shoot away and add to the photographic massacre that is their collection of holiday happy snaps. I have nothing against tourists. I like tourists as much as the next person. But it’s 31 degrees and my hair is a mess, at least allow me to ninja it out of the frame of your photos.

Finally, congratulations to the lucky couple that got married by one of the countless ponds who somehow managed to pick one of the few days we haven’t had a torrential downpour. Snaps for you.

The person you love

Is roughly comprised of 65% Oxygen

18.5% Carbon

9.5% Hydrogen

3.2% Nitrogen

3.9% various salts, such as Calcium, Phosphorus and Potassium.

And in minuscule amounts making up less than 0.5%, trace elements such as Chromium, Cobalt and Zinc.

We are all essentially a breeding ground of assorted elements.

On an unrelated note, I have caved in and joined the masses in this wave of popularity that is tumblr. I can now share my deep and philosophical thoughts (or lack thereof) and nonsensical ramblings with a wider audience.

Furthermore, I suppose this will serve as a place for my dopey little drawings, ramblings, and somewhere to waste away the hours while drinking tea well into the dimly lit hours of the morning.

Enjoy.